my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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