I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She's the barista slut.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
