I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
