she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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