Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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