I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
