soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
