The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
