i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
