dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
