I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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