Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
