hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
