I'm jealous of your bromance
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Less talking, more tequila
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
