Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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