I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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