do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
