His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
