why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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