worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
