The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize