You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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