This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
