i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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