I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
