I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
