That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
