you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
