Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
