Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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