i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
