i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
