you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
