could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
