well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
