My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
