So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
