We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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