RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
