Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
