Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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