I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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