I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
