So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
