I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
