I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
