I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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