dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
