I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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