she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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