I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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