Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize