Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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