I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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