I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
