I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
