So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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