The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
