Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there was a trapeze. enough said
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
