i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
