I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
