I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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