so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
