i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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