So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
