my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
