He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
