I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I understand Curling. That high.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
