So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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