If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
