Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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