He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
